A journal of failure

So, no joke. I really don’t know what the hell I’m doing.

Like, for real. It’s 2019 and I still haven’t recovered from the Great Recession of ’08. In June of ’08, I had been recently divorced and just left my job in Social Work. I was doing a lot of yoga and feeling pretty good about my prospects for a lower stress job.  Within 6 months, the economy had crashed and jobs were nonexistent. Within a year, I was virtually homeless. That’s the short version. The longer version isn’t worth it, and will only make you feel the sads. I wouldn’t do that to you.

In the next decade, I trained as a yoga teacher, moved 9 times, taught a LOT of yoga, worked several low-paying retail gigs, survived some traumas, rebuilt my credit, took a serious look at my eating disorder, got access to health care for anxiety & chronic pain, opened my own yoga studio, gained 20 pounds, destroyed my credit, closed my yoga studio. Again, that’s the short version. The long version has more tears, but you end up at the same place.

I gained a great relationship, though. So pros & cons. 😀

I closed my studio 3 months ago. It’s taken this long to recover. It’s a peculiar mental space I’ve been in, grieving yet unable to just STOP working. Oh, that’s something I should explain: Running a small business, no matter what kind, takes over your life. Running a small business that you started on a shoestring and worked 7 days a week, every waking hour to grow, is as stressful as running any business (fight me, Jeff Bezos) – when the business fails, it isn’t due to lack of effort or lack of devotion. However, it’s usually a sign that failure is inevitable.

So, after 3 years of very.hard.work, I am nearly back where I was during the Crash. I am mentally healthier, physically tougher, and in a great relationship. But financially, YIKES.

The recovery period of the past 3 months has been a cycle of grieving, self-flagellation, and NEEDING TO DO SOMETHING. I was working non-stop, and I couldn’t just suddenly hit the brakes like that. I kept finding busywork to alternate with the depression.

But the epic Busywork brought me back to something essential about myself: I like creativity, I like designing, I like making art. I NEED to make art, in some fashion. I NEED to create something, or I’ll lose my mind.

So here I am, writing. And here I am designing: soulfulsupply.com

I still don’t know what the hell I’m doing.

A journal of failure
hashtag breathe design from Soulful Supply

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